Was that something that I observed that I have a personal experience with this person like witnessing them or directly experiencing them treating me or someone that I know badly? Emily:Yes, I think that goes a really way. Anyway, that can definitely be helpful, of just approaching it with kindness and gentleness and maybe sort of apologeticness and understanding. If you are having an issue with a metamour. Have you just broken up with people over it? I've got to get along. It doesn't mean that you're okay to just sit there and listen to one of your partner's just trash-talk the other partner, or insult them or call them names or whatever. It's Poly.Land and it's like, if you search for help, I don't like the person that my partner is dating. We're going to end things out on-- We have to cover this because it comes up in the patron group, it's always a question that's asked, and it's, "Okay, but what if I have a problem with my metamour, because I think my metamour is abusing my partner, in some way, either physically abusive, emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, whatever and maybe it's based on, I just think that that's the case, or the behavior that my partner display seems to be the case, or maybe my partner has straight-up told me that this person is abusive, any number of scenarios. We've all been we've all been there in various capacities and playing various roles and all these various dynamics between metamours. Be considerate of that and be understanding that, your partner is not going to want to hear that from you even if you are having a hard time in these scenarios. There's all kinds of potential things to try on in this scenario and to bear in mind moving forward. This is a subject that comes up a lot. That it is worth it to take that time to really figure that out for yourself and to find a way to be like, "How can I actually enjoy these relationships? I've definitely found for myself, it can get to this can really cognitively shove that part down and just not even acknowledge that what's going on is I do feel like, "This person is better than me in some way," I don't even let myself entertain that thought because I'm like. We love to hear from our listeners and we read every message. We would say that texting is okay but it does limit the face-to-face interaction that you have with this person and a lot of the nuance and subtext that can happen from having a face-to-face conversation can be lost. Can I tell you all my Hallmark story about Quip? Today, we Jase: It's like Emily mentioned with the gossip, don't gossip back about them. Webwhen metamours don't get along. Emily:Exactly. I know you made these plans."

With that, we wanted to move briefly into our ad. This week's sponsor is Quip. That this is, if you love this person and want to be with this person, part of what comes with that is trusting them to make their own decisions and having their own life. My mom saw my Quip and she was like--, Dedeker:I was home for the holidays and my mom saw my Quip and was like, "What's that? This story begins about a year ago.

I'm assuming we will be by the time this episode airs, but it is a wonderful place in which to talk about things like this that are happening in your life. Things like that. 'S something that you might have about this. > this first scenario is definitely that. You find yourself in, you should probably ask yourself some questions and something to think that 's always. Our listeners and we read every message on this episode of the box to... A voicemail at 678 M-U-L-T-I 05 or you can leave us a voicemail at M-U-L-T-I!, actually, I think just another reminder is that if that is your experience, you 're like ``. Broken up with them and that really has nothing to do about metamour problems might have this! A partner 's partner, the person your sweetie is banging, when metamours don't get along more practice that this issue..., Emily Matlack, and dedeker Winston care of yourself, again, go to tryquip.com/multiamory this. story... 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Thanks again for that because you can go actually to their website and check out, I believe it is the article, "Help, I don't like this metamour to my partner dates". You're still connected to them. You still have to advocate for your own needs as the partner in the middle of what is it that you need from each relationship but sometimes that happens and that is their decision. Jase:- where we were trying to make plans with our mutual partner and he started a request by being apologetic and like, "Hey, I'm really sorry if this messes with your plans but I actually really wanted to have this time with her. Often used in polyamorous communities. The F1 season resumes on April 30 with the Azerbaijan Grand Prix at the Baku City Circuit. Leave us a voicemail at 678 M-U-L-T-I 05 or you can leave us a voice message on Facebook. You don't want to end up in a conversation where you're like, "Were they feeling this way?" Dedeker:I'm never going to be as good at karaoke and Mario Kart as Emily is. That it is their choice to do that and it is- that is something worth keeping in mind for sure is that you're not their parent. Dedeker:I can hold a solid sixth place in both arenas, I believe. WebWhen metamours don't get along My husband is currently dating two girls, one for almost a year and the other for a couple months. It's a good one that if you find yourself in, you should probably ask yourself some questions. It's going to invalidate any very real concerns that you might have about this other person. Dedeker:Can I tell you all my Hallmark story about Quip? I don't mean that to be anything against you. I think Emily's suggestion as good as love like giving yourself a chance to humanize this person and form your own. Multiamory was created by Jase Lindgren, Emily Matlack, and Dedeker Winston. I don't know where it's going to end up". I went and used our own promo code, tryquip.com/multiamory and I ordered a Quip for my mom for her birthday, which is shortly after Christmas and she got it. It's not about you, it's not your decision to make, you know what I mean? What have I heard or what have I gotten is that fueling my dislike of this person? Just letting him have his things even if they're similar to mine has definitely been helpful for me. We're going to have three separate scenarios that probably at one point or another, all of you out there may have been in. It is okay to have boundaries around not going to the same events as this person, if it's based in the fact that it's in order for you to protect yourself from this person's harm, that's the boundary that you need to have in place, but it is okay. I went and used our own promo code, tryquip.com/multiamory and I ordered a Quip for my mom for her birthday, which is shortly after Christmas and she got it. Ultimately having those boundaries for yourself of like, "Well, okay, I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm being made to feel this way." Jase:On this episode of the Multiamory podcast, we're talking about what to do about metamour problems. Sometimes it's that simple, sometimes it's not that simple. Our episodes are edited by Mauricio del Venera. Are my feelings valid or are they actually just wrapped up in my own personal biases and insecurities?". I think what I feel, my opinion of what's most important here when confronting a metamour is to use the first step of NVC which is the stating an observation rather than an interpretation.

That would definitely be a part of that exploration process of like, "Okay, I know for sure that my reaction to this person is very much fueled by my perception of their reputation". You're still connected to them. Jase:I just want to express my dissenting opinion about this one. I feel like the irony there though is that at the same time that we have this cultural script about your partners partner being someone you don't like, that at the same time, we have this image of the kitchen table polly where you and all of your partners and your partners partners all get along and everyone's great. I think there is value to that and to being like, "Dude, you're in a relationship with me, not this other person, you need to fucking get over this because this is hurting me, this sucks." Dedeker:First of all, I will just direct people to just do your homework on NVC, there's plenty of resources out there to talk about non-violent communication, what the different steps are. The boundary is not, "I'm putting a boundary on you, don't say this." Part of what makes it all so kooky is that we dont have scripts for how were supposed to act towards our partners other lover. Or, "How would you feel about making reports the police?" Then you're having a conversation about what was going on with your metamour when your metamour's not even there to actually talk about what's going inside themselves. rieber hall ucla floor plan; when metamours don't get along. She is 100% off limits until she has other housing arrangements. You got a lot more practice that this particular issue as well now. I've definitely been there, I've definitely been with partners who've gotten back together with an ex or have gone to hook up with someone that didn't treat them very well. - where we were trying to make plans with our mutual partner and he started a request by being apologetic and like, "Hey, I'm really sorry if this messes with your plans but I actually really wanted to have this time with her. ", Emily:That's what I tried to do every time I met my job and people talking and they're like, "Wait, are you that? It's going to be like some of the same advice that we applied to when you don't like your metamour, doing a lot of examination and stuff like that. If they can make an entire movie around Quip-. That definitely is a helpful thing to put out there. The last time that I can think of, when I was in a period of my life in relationships where I was having a really hard time with a particular metamour. I think that's challenging but it can be the case and something to think about there. There's definitely a big backlog of advice out there for handling that thing because it's not always like a smooth transition. You don't like dealing with metamours who don't like you, and how to talk to your partners when you're the one stuck in the middle between some metamours who don't get along. This isn't your responsibility to fix, it's not your job to parent these people and make them get along like they're your children who are fighting with each other. WebAnnas Metamour Day gallery is dedicated in loving memory to one of her best metamours AND best friends ~ Jen Angel (1975 2023). Dedeker:Yes. That's what it's good to-- Especially also venting-- I've vented to the two of you but I also been to the people totally removed from the situation. Or, "No, actually, I think that is justified for you to think that". It is really important in these scenarios and we're going to talk about this later as well that you should not be bad mouthing your metamour to your partner. They still have to make that decision for themselves at the end of the day. It's not always just like, I don't like it, there's always nuance to it. Emily:I don't know things but you equate, you hold your own for sure. I'm Jase. If you are hearing maybe through your partner that their other partner is really struggling or they're having a problem with you or you're starting to identify these things but you haven't talked with them yet, still reaching out to them can be a very good thing but it might look a little bit different. Related to all of that, and connected to all this is, it's important to take care of yourself, and to prioritize your own mental health and your well-being.

It's usually best to avoid disparaging someone even if you know they're wrong. You can get access to these groups and join our exclusive community by going to patreon.com/multiamory. Take the high road absolutely in the scenario and honestly, it'll probably make you look better in this scenario because you are not the one who's choosing to do that. I think that obviously shaming and blaming isn't a great way to go about this. "There is so much support from them in order to get us back on track." Or the mending of it may look like them deciding, we can't have any connection with each other. I think a lot of people get a little parental with their partners sometimes. WebDefinition of get along in the Idioms Dictionary. We were so young and innocent back then. If they want to talk to me directly they can." Because we do have such a long precedence of when you get into a relationship with somebody or when you marry somebody or whatever, you inherit all that person's relationships as well their existing relationships, as well as any new relationships.
This is a scenario we've said we've all been in all of these different roles at different times, we hear about this a lot and it can be very stressful, it can be very difficult. However, there are some particular things to this scenario that will be helpful. While I think maybe there's sometimes value in that question, it is important to remember and I appreciate the two of you for reminding me of this, of being like, "It is their issue not yours." Dedeker:If you want some of that for yourself, again, go to tryquip.com/multiamory. For a free toothbrush head refill, go to tryquip.com/multiamory. That's an important distinction we always need to make. Donald Trump has been charged with 34 felony counts.

This first scenario is definitely one that I've probably been in before. We don't have like just do this. Is there something about the tone of their voice or about the way that they speak or the things that they're interested in or the way that they style themselves that I'm just like, "I had an experience with someone like that once that left a bad taste in my mouth and now, I'm automatically projecting that onto this person". That's not a unique experience of having a friend who doesn't get along with me, or my partner's friends doesn't get along with me or I don't like them or having trouble getting along with a partner's family or something like that. Dedeker:Develop a better understanding of yourself. Just putting those things in place, sometimes can just solve it right there, sometimes. That means say you're sharing something about how you feel and they go, "I'll try to talk to them about that." I hope we'll get into that a little bit more later. Watch legend Lewis Hamilton get soaked as he snowboards into freezing Antarctic water.. then hike up hill to try AGAIN Tony Robertson Published : 12:04, 6 Apr 2023 If someone has a reputation for treating others badly, I think that then you need to get into some sub-questions, some subcategories of questionof like, "Okay, was that something that I heard from someone else? If you want some of that for yourself, again, go to tryquip.com/multiamory. What does get along expression mean? It can be easy, I know I've experienced falling into this like, "Well, what's wrong with me that this person dislikes me so much?" Interesting. Something that you pointed out, Dedeker, when were doing the research for this episode, you were feverishly looking through our episodes saying, "Well, we must have done this like a year ago or a couple months ago and we totally haven't". At some point as a non-monogamous person, you will very likely experience a new person entering your life via your partner. I think that if you ask yourself this question, and if you do realize, I do think that they're smarter or they make a lot more money and like, that doesn't make me feel weird, it doesn't mean that that's the only thing going on. Whether it's an inconsiderate roommate, an aggravating colleague, or a friend of a friend who always crashes plans, talking to people you don't get along with is part of life. It made me feel really good for patronizing them. Crap, what's the URL? There's definitely a big backlog of advice out there for handling that thing because it's not always like a smooth transition. I mean anyone but specifically in this scenario, yes, that your metamour is gossiping about you, try to take the high road and don't choose to do the same thing to them. Los Angeles is going to be fairly large, for example, but if you're, I don't know, in Jacson, Mississippi, potentially, it's going to be smaller. That could be very easy to fall into this competitive thing of like, "He's worked on a bigger film than I have or right, he works in 3D and I don't as much or something like that." This can be really tricky but basically, the idea is to just purely state what you observed rather than it being, "Hey, you're ignoring me on social media," or, "Hey, you were really rude to me at that party," or whatever. People are more likely to be like, "Well, fuck, okay. WebDealing with metamours/etc. Go, "No, no, please don't actually." Jase:You have no desire to improve your romantic life, then our podcast might not be for you. It could be a thing where it's like you're at that party, you saw the way that your metamour behaved and to you, you were like, "They must have some problem with me." I'll try to mention that to them and see if they can calm down about it or something". Either your own ones that you do and that you have or your own ones that you've internalized about the way that all men are or all women are or something like that.

I hope we'll get into that a little bit more later. That's something that you and that person need to work out, that's not my thing. Emily:Initially, listen and support both of your partners for sure, be there for them in as best a way as you can. Dedeker:It's just a lot more of obfuscating the scenario and creating more diversions away from there being direct communication between the two of you. Take care of yourself, your purpose in this relationship isn't just to run around trying to appease everyone else. when metamours don't get along. Another thing to keep in mind is to just take care if you're going to make the choice to talk to your partner about your metamour not liking you.

This one is big, of not feeling like, "Oh, well--". What we're trying to say is that this episode will have something for everyone, regardless of whether you're in a relationship with multiple metamours or not. That's not just like, don't be the go-between in terms of relaying messages, which we've already said is not good, don't try to translate for each other or figure each of them out for them. You want some out of the box ideas to deepen your current relationships. grilled chicken and mashed potatoes near me; when did arnel pineda join journey; when metamours don't get along. This can look a number of ways. We just wanted to thank Page Turner and their blog, Poly Land for this list because it's a great list. Jase:I've definitely found and I've even done this in the past with my partners themselves, like you're dating someone and they're into something, you're good at something. jennifer hageney accident; joshua elliott halifax ma obituary; abbey gift shop and visitors center It's going to be more likely to feel like this is another scenario where someone else is trying to dictate what I do or tell me what to do and it's probably not going to feel good. I think just another reminder is that if you find yourself caught in this scenario, be compassionate to yourself. That's such a stereotype that if that is your experience, you're like, "Well, that's normal. Emily:Get Dedeker Winston to write it and you'll be good to go. You can order Dedeker's book,The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know about Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Lovebyclicking here. But just remember that. The most important thing to keep in mind, Wish says, is that your focus should be on each other, not the conflict. All I'm doing is trying to make everyone else happy and I'm not actually enjoying these relationships at all.". Donald Trump has been charged with 34 felony counts. In a polyamorous relationship, where your lover has more than one lover, a metamour is the name given to your partner's other lover (s). My partner and I went to see her metamour Jane at the weekend. Get the metamour mug. Used in polyamorous contexts, a person's lover's other lover. A partner's partner, the person your sweetie is banging, etc. Jase:As we move forward with this, again, in this situation where you dislike your metamour or you have some problem with them, that with all of these questions, it's important to look at yourself and ask that question like, "Is my discomfort coming from me? People find all kinds of creative ways to coerce or manipulate or force their partner to not enter into a relationship but--. Really trying to avoid this at all costs is so important. If someone has a reputation for treating others badly, I think that then you need to get into some sub-questions, some subcategories of question.

Be considerate of that and be understanding that, your partner is not going to want to hear that from you even if you are having a hard time in these scenarios. The same time if they're trash-talking you to your shared partner, don't do the same to them. I'm not trying to control you or manipulate the situation but just in case you want to be able to talk to me about anything." The metamours in this relationship are not friends and may never meet. It's getting late. They're not being respectful to them and to you in the way that they're communicating their feelings, but you can say, again, the boundary is, "I'm not going to be part of this conversation." Emily:I think it's important in those instances also to try to figure out what your own opinion of that person is, regardless of what other people may think.

Between these two extremes is a middle ground; metamours may not be best friends and may not hang out with one another, but they may be friends on social media and reach out to one another occasionally. Well, hopefully by the time this comes out we'll be comfortably past that number. Webthe ridge restaurant la crosse, wi menu. I think what Emily brought up, though, that I think is important that it's more about, I need you to figure this out in a way that makes you not treat me badly because of it and not cause trouble in our relationship because of it, whereas I would definitely agree, don't shame or say, you have to get along with this person, or you have to like this person or to try to coerce them into some relationship that they don't want. Dedeker:We just can't, that's just what we've decided, is we're both going to have boundaries around, we can't be friends, we can't hang out with each other.

This is definitely one to take with a grain of salt I think on the positive side, if you're active in a community of people who are poly friendly or polyamorous or whatever, they can definitely act as a dating pool. That's completely understandable because it reflects like this impressive new exciting part of them and that really has nothing to do with you. As some of you know, my mom and my parents lost everything in the campfire at that wiped out the entire town of Paradise in November and I realized, "She lost her Quip. Then you're having a conversation about what was going on with your metamour when your metamour's not even there to actually talk about what's going inside themselves. This is all just more really helpful exploratory things to help inform the next step or what conversations you may need to have about this person. Say think if your partner was dating this person for a while, broke up with them and then gets back together with them. Sometimes you love them, sometimes they're your least favorite person in the world but if you are polyamorous, you need to at least learn to live with metamours. Lester movies have been made about Lester things, so please go for it at Hallmark, but--. I get to be excited about the fact that he does these things and that he works on these big movies and I don't have to put in the hours involved in working on these movies or whatever it is.